Manage Up Coaching

What Can You Control?

You can't control your manager.

You can't control who they are, how they operate, what they think, feel, or do.

Yet, it's surprising how often we take responsibility for these things and try to manipulate situations so that we're in "control." It's like trying to drive a car from the back seat (only Mr. Bean can do that).

When I see a client doing this, one of my favorite "Aha!" questions to ask is, "How much responsibility do you have for other people's thoughts, emotions, or actions?"

I always get the same sheepish answer, "...none."

Then I ask, "Whose thoughts, emotions, or actions DO you have responsibility for?"

Silence. Then, "...mine."

You can't control anyone; the best you can do is positively influence them.

And the best way to do that is to get very honest about a few things:

  1. The only person you can directly control is you (and even THAT has some caveats).
  2. What YOU think, feel, and do is the best way to positively influence others.
  3. What you think, feel, and do is up to you.
When you embody these truths, you shift from a circumstantial response to life to an effectiveness way of being.

This means that who you are is no longer at the whim of circumstances. Suddenly, you can handle anything!

The boss you love decides to move on to another role (this has happened to me multiple times)? You can handle it.

Your new boss is dragging you down? You can handle it.

You get laid off? You can handle it.

You can handle anything because you're not responsible for the circumstances of life.

You are responsible for WHO you are being and HOW you *respond* to the circumstances of life.

When you realize this, something really cool happens.

People will be inspired by your ability to process life, work with it, speak your truth, process your emotions, shape your thoughts, assert your rights, embody your ideal self, and so on...

It may seem selfish to focus on yourself like this. But it's actually the greatest service that you could offer your boss, your relationships, and, indeed, the world.

Home | Blog | Services | Testimonials | Contact | About